In the continuation of our series on the 12 Things Successful People Do I Learned from Steve Harvey which are #4 – They Make Logical, Informed Decisions and #5 – They Avoid the Trap of Trying to Make Things Perfect
What I know for sure is that most of us are striving for perfection when perfection doesn’t even exist. We want to have the prefect job or business, have perfect children and significant others, weigh the perfect weight. And perfection is just not obtainable.
Matter of fact, the need for perfection also leads to the disease of over-thinking. It may look like beating yourself up for a mistake you made yesterday, or those chips you just ate or worrying about how you’re going to do something just right tomorrow. Over-thinkers are plagued by being perfect.
This subject makes me think of one of my favorite authors is Brene Brown who as a s a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work she has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. In her research which she shares in her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” she found that participants who were living “amazing and inspiring lives” reported embracing imperfection.
By the way, I am also sharing this with you as someone who is a recovering perfectionist. What I learned in my own journey is if I am going to accomplish anything, I had to get over being perfect. Perfection just kept me stuck in a cycle looking for approval, acceptance and wanted to do everything JUST RIGHT! And wanting everything just right meant I was always second guessing everything I did. What I had to learn is how to perfectly manage my imperfections. And it is from this place that choices have come easier fueled by the courage, compassion, and connection to know that I am ENOUGH! Matter of fact, what I know for sure is that each of us are MORE THAN ENOUGH. With this in mind, here are a few tips that can help you let go of the need to be perfect;
1. Function from A Place of Power. You have to know that people in your life are going to say what they say and do what they do regardless of how smart or talented you are. So stop looking for their approval. Our power really does lie in recognizing that in each new moment, we have the opportunity to make a choice – a choice that will inspire you and leave you feeling powerful instead of powerless. So regardless of what others do, you still have the power to choose. In a place of power, you find your positive most authentic self. In a place of power, you remember the gift that you are instead of focusing on any negative situation or opinion that may leave you feeling broken, hurt or ashamed. Find your place of power by believe in the gift and the brilliance that you are (I call this your FIERCE) and let that power fuel your soul.
2.Learn to Let Go. One of the most important lessons to help you stop overthinking & living in the land of perfection is to let go and know that there will be things that happen in your life that are just simply out of your control. It is to be thankful for the experiences that have made you laugh or cry and accept everything you have been through. Letting go is to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to realize that every experience has value, to learn the lessons from it and to continue taking steps to move forward and not stay stuck in what happened yesterday. And yes, sometimes you will make a move and you just may mess up but guess what, you’ll learn valuable lessons in every failure that will serve to help you grow.
3.Q-TIP = Quit Taking It Personal. Part of learning to left go is to Q-TIP which means = quit taking it personal. You’ve got to understand that people make decisions based on where they are, what they need and so often we take it personal. When people say NO many times it’s not about you but about what they need and they may need something else. Quit making your NO’s mean you are not good enough. Quit making your NO’s mean you will never be able to do this thing you so greatly desire. QUIT TAKING IT PERSONAL! For most of you, you won’t grow your gift, you won’t ask for the help you need because you are so afraid it won’t be perfect. The fact that you are afraid to share because of this need to be perfect will be the very reason your gift, your FIERCE will never grow. If you want to excel Q-TIP! If you want to grow Q-TIP! If you want to move from mediocre or ordinary to EXTRAordinary Q-TIP!
4.Live in Your Duality. You must know that you can be brilliant and in breakdown all at the same time. So, if you want to live in your complete power and to Q-TIP, the key is to get comfortable with the fact that you are IN the journey, you haven’t arrived. There are areas in your life or business where you are in breakdown and areas in your life or business where you are brilliant and that is perfectly fine. It’s OK but are you OK with it? Are you comfortable not just living in your duality but allowing it to be seen, to ask for help in your weakest areas and stand in your complete power in your areas of strength! This is how you set yourself to be free. You don’t have to know every answer and be everything to everyone. Just be comfortable in knowing that you ARE perfectly imperfect. Your flaws still make you the FIERCE and fabulous person you were born to be so stop second guessing yourself and …… PLAY FULL OUT!
5.Play FULL Out. TO say yes FULLY, you have to let go of all the doubts and know that you have genius inside of you so make yourself available to it and play FULL OUT! No more second guessing yourself! Instead choose to play full out! All you need to do is be committed and take the first step. As you do, trust yourself and know that with all that genius in you, you’ll figure it out as the game goes along.
Letting go of being perfect & making GREAT decisions, is intentional and deliberate work and to do it successfully it will cause you to step outside of what has been your normal. Every great musician, author, actor, athlete, parent and business owner had to say YES with intention. Matter of fact, I heard the musician Baby Face say once that to this day, when he hears any of his songs he can still hear something he could make better. YES think about his songs “Whip Appeal”, “For The Cool In You”, “It’s No Crime”…. I could go on but when I listen to those songs I hear perfection! What BabyFace said in that interview is he had to “let it go of them being perfect and allow them to be good enough”. Well what I got from that interview is that his 5% is my 100%, just like the thing you are genius at is perfectly imperfect and when you give it to the world just as it is, you become the answer to a group of people that need you. With these 5 steps, you can move past perfection and live in decisive, deliberate intention each and every day as you honor the brilliance that IS inside of you! Imagine what life could be like, should be like when you let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace being perfectly imperfect = which is who you already are!
Best Selling Author, Speaker and CEO of FIERCE Factor Lab, Nicole Roberts Jones is known for her ability to draw the best out of entrepreneurs, corporate executives, heads of states & celebrities through her expertise in business, program and talent development. As the creator of the FIERCE Formula Nicole works with entrepreneurs to develop multiple streams of income building an empire from their expertise. To learn more and for updates on her programs or services join her mailing list at www.SubscribeToNicole.com